Told you I'd be back soon

As if anyone reads this anyway, but that's what makes this so nice and calming. If by the off chance someone I know stumbles across this and reads my blog then they're choosing to get know me in a different way, a more personal way because lords knows I'm not the most open person. Instead of me trying to air out my thoughts and shove my opinions on people which I'll admit has probably been the purpose of some of my other blogs in the past.

I just got dropped off after a drive with Kash, and was debating between blogging or reading but since I figured I would just want to keep reading and never stop I should blog because we all know I'll eventually run out of things to talk about for the time being anyway.

So we all know, (we all meaning, everyone who knows anything about me) knows that I'm indubitably the black sheep of my family. This could be a bad thing like the black sheep turning into a crazy psycho killer or... a good thing. I think in this case it's a good thing for the most part, now don't get me wrong I like that I'm different and not normal, because I'd really dislike being like the herd. But it does get a little lonely, I've never felt like I fit in with anyone or anywhere except IMC and even then by my last year I felt out of place and if I think about it I always felt like the outsider who was in (if that makes ANY sense).

It's a weird feeling to feel constantly out of place, maybe a lot of you do. Actually I'm sure a lot of you feel that way especially when we're younger because we're trying to figure everything out. But my differences are noticeable to everyone around me, the way I carry myself, talk about things, think, everything just seems different than other people. It just makes me feel alone. I know there's more people like me out there I just wish I could find them and talk to them and maybe not feel so alone. I think that's one of the reasons I want to bounce outta here so badly, everyone just thinks I'm crazy or stupid for thinking such outlandish things.

I'm tired of getting laughed at for believing in the goodness of people, for thinking that people are capable of achieving their dreams if they truly want it, for reading books that challenge common society norms and talking about how fascinating I find theories or studied thoughts. I'd just like to find somewhere I'd be embraced or just accepted or taken seriously. When I talk of these crazy outlandish things I'm always trying to prove I'm not insane or stupid or open up someones mind. I don't want to do that, I want an open dialogue about the topics where I'm not looked down upon.

My friends, I love them to death but they just put up with my ramblings. Kind of don't really know what I'm talking about and pass it off as some kind of naivety or stupidity because they'd rather talk about TV shows or daily drama in their lives and although fascinating my mind just doesn't seem to care so much about these things compared to what occupies my mind most of the time. I'm quiet because I'm always thinking, I get so confused with all this information in my head it just leaves me trying to figure it all out. My heads a messy place, that's probably why I don't bother with drama so much I've got enough going on up there.

I'm such a mess and I hardly feel better for getting that all off my chest, maybe cuz there's more to say but maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. All I know at this moment is, I'd really like to find my intellectual soulmate so we could eat eachothers hearts out and so I could belong somewhere.

In Harmony

Katelyn Rebecca