I'll be honest I thought about deleting this blog many a time, but I didn't, I haven't and I won't.
I don't really know what to say, so much has gone on and yet nothing has happened.
I'm sure you know the feeling, and well if you haven't you will someday.
I got a tumblr, never used it then started using it all the time. I love tumblr, but I feel it's not a place for me to speak my mind just to reblog things I enjoy.
So what's happened from my last update til now? I went to europe with one of my best friends, had a blast, came back bought a macbook. Never went back to my old job as a server and didn't work for awhile. Right now I'm just casually working at a doctors office, sounds like the life right?
Not really, I'd like to be working more but I've been putting it off because I'm just so lost. As I have been my entire life, how does one find direction? I know exactly what I want, I just don't know how to go about it and it's tearing me apart really. It's ruining me and wasting precious time. I'm so conflicted, teetering back and forth between making everyone else happy or getting some balls and following my dreams. And when I type it out like that I realize how ridiculous that seems, I should definitely just balls up and get out of town but somehow it's harder than that for me. It really bothers me.
I do feel on the edge of change though, I've been static for way too long like I've been preparing for what's coming next.
I do know that whatever does happen next, this whole feeling sorry for myself and self-loathing has to stop. I've been reading a lot lately, and it's like some sign, everywhere I go, everything I see or read is telling me to start believing I'm beautiful and worth it. Cheesy, cliche, yeah, but maybe there's some truth behind this. If I start believing maybe confidence will find me. No, it will, there's no maybe. Things are going to change.
But this has been long enough.
I shall be back sometime soon.
In Harmony
Katelyn Rebecca
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